Thought this would be a good place to share stories or have people submit their own material.

In advance, this is not a knock on beginners. This is simply things we pick up on that give us a sense of whether someone picked up the sport recently or not.

My first contribution stems from this weekend in my squash league.

Both my opponents this weekend, before the matches, asked me, "What is the extra racquet in your bag for?"

When the price of my glove is the same amount they paid for their racquet.

Whe you dont understand why a 3wall serve is fault. "Its not short, its not long, why the hell is it a fault serve? Stupid rules."

While I was directing a tournament a month ago, had a player signed up for the A division, and while checking in asked, "Do you provide the racquets, or do I need to check one out at the front desk?" True story, didn't really know what to say. I couldn't move him, it was too late, he checked out a racquet, proceeded to play and have a great time, not sure he scored a point, and I secretly let the people he played know what was going on, and they were great to him. I've seen him at the club playing a few days a week now trying to get better.

"I don't need eye guards..."

-Jim

It would seem I've played all of you at some point. :)

Wearing running shoes, has no tether on the racket, wears glasses instead of goggles, and is always FIRST in line to play the open player (ofcourse until they get beat 15-0)then they are pissed. Even with all this said, it's always good to see beginners in the court. Its a great time to motivate them, influence them, and encourage them! It's the best feeling when you see a beginner improve and start making shots they actually try to make.

Gatta add another....
Man, how long have you been playing? or Where can I buy a racket like that?

When they serve without letting the ball bounce first, as in tennis and squash.

When someone said I can beat you! I will just hit the ball really hard at the ceiling and.it will go over your head! I smiled and said you know there is a back wall right? He was convinced he could win with this strategy

Played a new guy in our B league.

He was starting his serve with both feet outside the back of the server box and when I said he was foot faulting, he said I was making up rules.

I called a couple screens and finally got tired of calling them.

He would just serve rapid fire and I held up my racquet and he wanted to know "what my problem was?" and I said he had to ck if I was ready. Afterwards, he'd turn to me and yell "are you ready?!?!?!"

After his 30th penalty hinder and his attitude, I finally started hitting him with the ball.

Next week, I'll hit him from point one or just not play him unless there is a ref or someone to back me up.

Nothing worse than a player who just hits hard, stands in the way, is clueless about the rules and why the rules exist and has a nasty attitude.

When the guy on the court want to play iron man...against me.

I suppose I'm not famous or anything but it was just hilarious that he didn't get that every time it came to me I would put it away.

He was trying to convince me to come to the next B level Sunday morning games, saying I'd fit right in!

bayou blaster

Played a new guy in our B league.

He was starting his serve with both feet outside the back of the server box and when I said he was foot faulting, he said I was making up rules.

I called a couple screens and finally got tired of calling them.

He would just serve rapid fire and I held up my racquet and he wanted to know "what my problem was?" and I said he had to ck if I was ready. Afterwards, he'd turn to me and yell "are you ready?!?!?!"

After his 30th penalty hinder and his attitude, I finally started hitting him with the ball.

Next week, I'll hit him from point one or just not play him unless there is a ref or someone to back me up.

Nothing worse than a player who just hits hard, stands in the way, is clueless about the rules and why the rules exist and has a nasty attitude.

Sounds like you need to inform the league director about this guy. Have the league director talk to him about some basic rules. Is your league director there at night when the games are played? I'm not sure how your league is set up, but when I play in a league all of our games are on a set night (Tuesday night for example). The director is there and makes sure everyone plays and oversees everything. Even if your director isn't usually there, have him show up for this guy's next match to observe so he has a first hand account of what's going on.

dbarry

Our tournament director is there and even commented that the player was in the way alot

I had to explain to a couple of players what a penalty hinder was and they argued that they didn't have to give the cross court shot

Even though I'm a B player, I'm moving to A where the players at least know hinders and aren't swinging wildly

I gave a player 80% of the front wall and instead he wanted to shoot into the opposite corner from shoulder height and hit me in the face - he said that was "his favorite shot", yet I was completely out of his way. I gave him down the line, cross court and every option imaginable but he wanted to hit a stupid shot.

bayou blaster

dbarry

Our tournament director is there and even commented that the player was in the way alot

I had to explain to a couple of players what a penalty hinder was and they argued that they didn't have to give the cross court shot

Even though I'm a B player, I'm moving to A where the players at least know hinders and aren't swinging wildly

I gave a player 80% of the front wall and instead he wanted to shoot into the opposite corner from shoulder height and hit me in the face - he said that was "his favorite shot", yet I was completely out of his way. I gave him down the line, cross court and every option imaginable but he wanted to hit a stupid shot.

This doesn't sound lilke a B league to me. Really it sounds more like a D league where people are just beginning to play, don't know the rules, and just want to hit the ball where they want and with little to no strategy.

When you start yawning, then start feeling dizzy, and you simply don't have the strength to run towards the front wall for a 15-ft ball that came off the backwall.
It seems that the game's never going to end.

bayou blaster

I gave a player 80% of the front wall and instead he wanted to shoot into the opposite corner from shoulder height and hit me in the face - he said that was "his favorite shot", yet I was completely out of his way. I gave him down the line, cross court and every option imaginable but he wanted to hit a stupid shot.

Stop moving into the ball!

:)

You know you're playing a rookie when . . . he throws a hissy because he got hit on the straight-in after a wrap around.

You know you're playing a rookie when . . . you just don't care if it's an avoidable hinder. You just go for a ceiling.

You know you're playing a rookie when . . . you start returning long serves because you want the game to end already.

When they say "How come the ball always comes back to you and not me?"